Friday, February 27, 2015

My Facebook Hiatus

It’s funny how when you’re not on Facebook people think you’re dead or worse. But in this case that was not the case. No funeral.  No hearse.  Sorry to disappoint since many of you expressed your desire for my demise, drowning in drama and bullshit and lies. Instead of continuing to repeat myself, deplete myself, I chose instead to retire, stop looking, closed my eyes.
No I didn’t die. Lots of things around me and inside me died for sure. So I guess you could say I was in mourning. I also had the doctor ordering me to avoid stressful situations and just  Not. Sign. On. It was that simple. The world wouldn’t end. People had already made up their minds. . Every choice I had in front of me was bad so I chose what was best for me, for my sanity. I had already said everything I had to say, everything that needed to be said. No matter what action I took or what words I said people were gonna see it tinted through the lens they had already chosen.  

 Those who knew me knew better. Those who didn’t, didn’t matter.  No one lost their life savings, at the worst a week worth of coffee, for most a couple packs of cigarettes. What they lost paled in comparison to what I did. No amount of money could compare to the death of my faith in people, the death of friendships I thought were forever, the death of an idea, of a dream, of the project I worked so hard on and the temporary death of my sanity. I put a lot of work into that project only to have it sabotaged at the last minute by the people who did the least amount of work and who were “involved” in the project for the least amount of time. I went into the whole thing trying to show that our principles worked, that we could successfully use them to complete a project. Of course I should’ve known better. Being a self proclaimed anarchist/voluntaryist/libertarian does not make people any different than the rest of the population. I held the false notion that our community didn’t have the mean girls, the asshole popular kids, the bullies, and the vindictive childish behavior that the rest of the general population had in abundance. I was terribly wrong. I thought people that claimed to hold certain beliefs wouldn’t behave in certain ways that are diametrically opposed to them. Wrong again. It seems that sometimes the people with the biggest mouths that spout this philosophy also have the hardest time living by it. 

When the whole thing started to go south I promised myself I wasn’t going to handle it the way I did back in high school. The way I handled bullies and mean girls then was to psychologically, mentally and emotionally destroy them with the truth about themselves. I would call them out and destroy their reputations to the point that they wanted to kill themselves. Humiliate them publically. Then finish the more violent ones off with a little violence of my own and beat them within an inch of their lives.  But I was determined to not respond in like to the assassinations on my character. Which was extremely difficult considering the people out front leading the charge against me were the most vocal in their fabrications, exaggerations, misdirection and smears, because the skeletons in their closets were piled to the ceiling. I’ve never kept my skeletons in the closet. All of mine have always been out in the open. 
The most infuriating one came from the town drunk. You see there is a difference between a junkie and an addict just as there is a difference between a drunk and an alcoholic. Only one of us deserved to be properly be labeled with the pejorative version of the term and it wasn’t me.  And beyond being infuriating it was painful because the reason said drunk asshole knew of my addiction wasn’t because I have made it an open fact, because I have,  but because when said drunk asshole attempted to try recovery I personally went to him and offered my support and told him how hard I knew it was and how proud I was of him and I told him my story and that I was also in recovery. So he used a moment of me being supportive of him, even though I have always thought he was a prick, to try to destroy my character and paint me in a negative light. I don’t think it gets much lower than that. But I don’t think anyone expects anything but low from him so I didn’t feel the need to retaliate with my own character assassination at the time. He does a good enough job of character suicide himself.
As for his welfare comment about me I think I’ve made it quite clear many times that I see taking money from the government as restitution for theft. There is nothing anti libertarian about taking money from a  government that takes money from you. My receiving food stamps in just a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things compared to the grand theft they’ve perpetrated on me in the form of taxes. If I could take more money from the government I would.
The other main culprit has such disgusting skeletons in her closet I didn’t come out with them because her children are involved in hers and I didn’t feel the need to put their horrid lives out there for the whole world to see. It’s not their fault they have a tragically unfit mother. And that’s still as far as I’m willing to go when it comes to that. I’m not naming names in this instance for the above stated reasons but the old me wanted to so badly while she was assassinating my character considering she herself has no character.
This person was also responsible for the fact that I was then attacked by cyber bullies who made it damn near impossible for me to do anything related with the project, or anything else for that matter, online since I’m a  dumbass and had the same password for pretty much everything and I had made all that information “public” in the private group for the project that certain people then made public public along with all my personal information. Which by the way was quite scary and frankly dangerous since anyone including a creepy real life stalker I had at the time now had everything they needed to call my personal phone, show up on my doorstep and do god knows what to me.  This community is well known for its computer savvy geeks who live in their parents basements with nothing better to do with their time, so when they were instructed by a “mildly attractive once you add make-up and photoshop” female to attack me that’s what they did with all their loser might. She couldn’t bear to be proven wrong. God forbid I actually get done what I had to get done when it came to the now defunct project. She’d be exposed for the drama queen she was. So she used her only power, the power of sexuality over under sexed males, to make sure her prophecy was fulfilled. That was pretty much the nail in my coffin. With no access or hindered access to damn near any account associated with the project I was screwed.

Despite everything that happened I tried and if I don’t say so myself I succeeded in staying above all the grimy, slimy drama and poo slinging personal attacks that were being flung my way at a staggering rate on a near constant basis. But it got to the point where I was gonna have blood on my hands if I didn’t step away from the situation quickly. So that’s what I chose to do.
In the year since I’ve spent some time in an institution recovering from what is commonly referred to as a nervous breakdown although there is no such thing medically.  As all of you well know I am crazy. Some of you know the extent of it more than others. I have six mental health diagnoses. So in laymen’s terms I am bat shit nuts. So quite predictably this whole situation sent me into a tail spin I needed medical attention to claw my way back out of. I debated going public with this fact because I feel like it makes it look like they kind of won in that they literally actually drove me crazy which I’m sure was their intent. But really I already was crazy so it didn’t take much gas to get there, maybe just an exit or two on the loony tunes highway. But I got off and pulled into the first rest stop so I didn’t hurt myself or someone else. I decided making that fact public was ok because I see that as a commendable action and nothing to be ashamed of. There’s nothing wrong with getting help when you need it. That’s a fact that I’ve struggled with my whole life since I’m supposed to be the strong one, but its true. Everyone needs help sometimes and asking for it is a sign of strength, not weakness.
During my hiatus from facebook and the activist community I have been working on myself and my coping skills to deal with these types of things if they should happen again, which they almost inevitably will if I choose to continue to put myself and my work out there for the world to see and judge as a public figure.  “Just ignore the haters” and such things I was told by other supportive people I know who work in the public spotlight are nice ideas and fine and dandy to just say, but in reality it is much,  much harder than you think . It’s easy to say you don’t care what other people think, but extremely difficult to actually apply to your life.  As a certain someone who has always been there for me said “If you don’t have haters you’re doing something wrong.” And “haters gonna hate girl, brush your shoulders off.” “They’re just jealous because nobody cares about what they have to say and they ain’t doin shit with their lives.” I’m getting better at actually internalizing all that.
So in light of everything I’ve just said I will be returning to facebook in small steps as to not overwhelm myself. I am under no illusions that this will be easy or that all the drama from last year will just disappear but I am better prepared and equipped to deal with it…. I hope.  Let it be known that anyone who attempts to start any shit or interrupt my peace will summarily be ejected from my page so mind you’re p’s and q’s.  I refuse to be dragged back into any more life sucking bullshit. I’m too old, frail and mentally unstable to deal with any poopoo caca from anyone. I just don’t have the energy or the will to deal with it. Facebook is supposed to be a place to post silly kitty pictures,  an escape and a place to organize  and a place to stay informed, not a high school locker room.  So in summation… the bitch is back and she’s not takin any shit from anyone. 

Monday, August 5, 2013

Thank you gangster government!

I don't understand how you justify the government forcibly taking your money at the barrel of a gun (armed robbery)  with the threat of putting you in jail (kidnapping and caging), by saying its ok because if and when this theft makes you poor enough that they deem you qualified (after much paperwork, red tape, and bureaucracy) they will give you a small percentage of what they stole from you back(with strings attached of course) as long as you spend it on what they allow you to spend it on.

What is wrong with you people?! How does that even make sense? !
Thank you Mr. Thug Gangster with a fancy government title and a badge for promising to maybe, if you deem me worthy, give me some of my property back after you stole it from me as long as I spend it on what you in your infinite wisdom decided I should spend it on. What would I do without you?

Sunday, March 31, 2013

The so-called gay agenda

If they make gay marriage legal there WILL be some dumb ass activist types who will sue a church who won't perform the marriage for them. As much as most of us gays will cringe and not agree with what they're doing, they will do it. It's those type of actions that give us a bad name and make people use that dumb ass term "gay agenda". There is no gay agenda for 95% of us except to be free. That other stupid vocal minority will mess it up for the rest of us though. They no more represent us than the people who think you should blow up abortion clinics represent all Christians.THIS is why we can't have nice things.
Most of us don't want to be married by a church at all, much less one that thinks we're going to hell. There are plenty of churches, I'd even go out on a limb and say a majority, that will marry us with no issue. There's no need to force our opinions on them anymore than we want them forcing theirs on us. Tolerance and acceptance are two different things. You don't have to accept me, but you do have to tolerate me.
This is why getting the government out of the marriage business all together is the best solution. You shouldn't need a license to love.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Pick your budget cuts wisely

Don't tell me you're worried about the deficit and then start your cuts with benefits for poor people and people actually in need which is a tiny fraction of where the taxes go. This is where the establishment assholes like Paul Ryan lose me. This is where they lose most people. 
Here's a novel idea..... If you REALLY wanna get us out of debt cut something worth cutting, not food stamps, SS, medicaid and medicare, schools, unemployment, and benefits for veterans.
GTFO with that shit.... seriously.  Then while you're at it how about corporate welfare and tax loopholes for big business and the rich.  How about we start there.
OOHHHHhhhh.... then there's the interest we pay the federal reserve on OUR OWN money.  Every penny of tax revenue every year only goes to paying down the interest on "our" "debt" to the federal reserve. That's like only paying the minimum on your credit card bill every month as the shit goes up and up.
Start using common sense and some empathy when you lay out budget cuts and MAYBE people would be willing to deal with it.... advocate it even.

All men are potential rapists

You can't think women shouldn't get drunk with men or be alone with men they don't know (which by the way is a fucking date) because its dangerous and she should assume all men could rape her so she holds some responsibility in being raped.... AND get mad because all men are treated as potential rapists and call it sexist. I mean you CAN think both of those things but that's called cognitive dissonance. Look it up. You can't have it both ways. Don't tell us its dangerous to be around men just because we're women and then complain when you think all men are being called potential rapists. Roll that one around for a minute. It's called logic.

The straight-guys guide to bagging lesbians (by a lesbian)

Dudes don't seem to get it when you tell them you're gay.  They're all  "YAY!".  It makes not a drop of sense. 
I'd like to know how they'd respond if a gay dude hit on them and when they told him they were straight he said "YAY!  I love straight boys. Maybe you just haven't had your dick sucked by the right guy."  ....They'd knock the guy out!  But yet I have to deal with this shit CONSTANTLY with a smile.  I have had numerous guys say the EXACT same thing I quoted to me.  They all think they're being original too.  I'll lay a few out for you, guys, so you don't embarrass yourself with any of this stupidity and lose a really cool girl FRIEND because you think you're funny or somehow different or gonna flip them.
"That's because you haven't had THIS dick."
"Who hurt you girl?  Not all men are bad."
"COOL!  I'm a lesbian too."  (which by the way IS possible but it would mean that you are a woman trapped in a mans body and you don't want a penis, you want a vagina and boobs and want surgery to correct it.  So this one makes you look EXTRA dumb.)
"You just need the right man."
"Can I watch?"
"Will you have a threesome with me and my girl?"
"I know a gay chick.  I'll hook you up."  ( this one isn't a pick up line but it's stupid so I had to add it. Just because I'm gay it doesn't mean I'll like your gay friend.  If I came up to you and said "I have a straight friend.  I"m gonna hook you guys up."  It would sound awfully silly to assume you would want to date my friend for no other reason than she liked guys and you liked girls.)
"That's sexy as shit.  I love lesbians."
"We have something in common.  I like girls too."
"I lick pussy real good."
" I know how a clit works."
"I"m not like typical men."
"Are you sure?"
"You're not just a little bi?"
"How do you know you're gay if you've never been with a man?" (How do YOU know you're not gay if you've never been with a man?.... yea, it's kinda like that.)
"Well if you ever DO go straight, can I be the guy you pick?"
...and this isn't a quote but it's the creepiest thing of all.... When you just stare at us with your mouths open with drool coming off your lip when we're with our girlfriends.... or worse ask us to kiss. Or the WORST, bring us some drunk girl if we're alone like she's a present and you're doing us a favor, and try to get us to make out with some sloppy "bi" girl who wants to kiss another girl to turn on guys.


I could keep going but you get my drift.  It's sad, annoying, pathetic, infuriating, lame, and does NOT make you look cool or give you any points in our book.  As a matter of fact it's a HUGE turn off (and not in a sexual way.  We're already not turned on by men) in a friendship way.  You will lose a cool chick friend who can learn a TON from. We make great wing-women. If you just accept us as friends we will be like the "woman whisperer" for you.  We can interpret and help with your relationship issues AND teach you how to work a pussy like no man could know on his own. 

So in conclusion, BOYS, the best way to bag a lesbian is to bag her as a FRIEND and let her tell you all the secrets of womanly things.  Let her help you perfect your game.  You won't regret it.  You're welcome.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Give a man a fish

Give a a man a fish and give him wrong directions and put obstacles in his way so he can't get back to the pond and demand he get a license he can't afford if he wants his own fishing pole and if he DOES manage to catch his own fish make sure you take 1/3 of them. Then the man will be forced to come to you if he ever wants fish again.  Then you own the fish AND the man.

This is how people get stuck in the welfare trap.  It's not about being lazy.  They deliberately make it hard to get back on your feet.  They make it so it's more beneficial to stay dependent.  Modern day slavery.  If someone is completely dependent on you you'll have a supporter and a voter for life.  It keeps people complacent and docile.  They don't complain about the government for fear of rocking the boat. They don't want you to be independent.  They don't want you to be free or enjoy any level of real liberty. It's learned helplessness... yes.  But remember: Some one had to teach it.  They also had to have a reason for it.  Here is your real problem.  Not the people ON welfare.